I’m in a quiet place at this moment. Internally. Today is my birthday. And I am overwhelmed.
I spent time with God this morning, reflecting back on my life. I even went through an old journal, curious to remember what I used to be like. It’s easy to forget, you know. How quickly we want to move on.
But I remember.
I remember not too many years ago absolutely dreading my birthdays because I was so lonely inside. I remember being so depressed at times, I could hardly function. I remember being angry at the world, at God, at everything and everybody. I remember being so full of fear and insecurity, I had to act tough and confident to protect myself. Yes, I was a mess.
But that was then.
I was floored this morning, as I skimmed through pages of my journal. Except I wasn’t floored at who I used to be, but of who I am now. At how really, really happy I am. At how secure and peaceful I am inside. God has done a great healing in me. I am truly a walking miracle.
I think sometimes it’s good to purposely reflect back on how we used to be. It helps us…
- Be really thankful for what God has done.
- Celebrate how far we’ve come instead of focusing on how far we still have to go.
- Remember that God was at work then and is still at work now, even if we don’t see it or feel like it.
Over and over, God instructed the Israelites to record in journals and build memorials that would remind them of who they were (their identity as His chosen people), His goodness, and His deliverance of them (Ex. 13:3-10, Josh. 4:2-7). He knew they’d need to remember someday when their journeys got tough again. If only we would be so wise as to do the same.
Today is my birthday. And I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Gratitude for my amazing husband, kids, family and friends.
But mostly, I am grateful to God. For never once steering me wrong. For freeing me from depression, anxiety and self-centeredness. For loving me, and loving me, and then loving me some more. For giving me a birthday to celebrate.
I hope you know this God: the God of freedom, healing and new beginnings. He was there for me all along. He is there for you too. Know Him. I swear to you – nothing else will change you more!